As parents we have a lot to navigate- kids appointments, play dates, school, extra curricular activities, meals, routines, and more. Amidst all of this come behaviors vary from a tiny, protesting foot stomp when green beans are served to a full blown tantrum when it’s time to leave the park. Similar instances occur in the classroom each day. How we respond to these behaviors is so important and can be the difference between continued power struggles over pink shoes or blue, and helping a child self regulate and make empowered choices for themselves.
Conscious Discipline equips parents and caregivers with the tools to help children work through their big feelings and eventually regulate their emotions without added struggles.
So what is Conscious Discipline?
Conscious Discipline is a cognitive behavioral approach helping children regulate their emotions. Co-Founded in 1996 by Dr. Becky Bailey and Kate O’Niel, originally called “Loving Guidance” “the methodology of Conscious Discipline is based in scientific and developmental research. Conscious Discipline creates a compassionate culture and facilitates an intentional shift in adults understanding of behavior via the Conscious Discipline Brain State Model. It then provides specific brain-friendly, evidence-based and research-backed strategies for responding to each child’s individual needs with wisdom.
Conscious Discipline is an adult-first methodology, meaning it addresses adult self-regulation and skillsets first in order to empower adults to model, teach and live the skills and ideals they want children to acquire. This highly effective approach is shown to improve self-regulation, achievement, relationships (peer:peer, teacher:student, teacher:parent, parent:child), sense of community, empathy and intrinsic motivation in both children and adults.”
Brain State Model
“Conscious Discipline empowers us to be conscious of brain-body states in ourselves and children. It then provides us with the practical skills we need to manage our thoughts, feeling and actions.
With this ability to self-regulate, we are then able to teach children to do the same. By doing this, we help children who are physically aggressive (survival state) or verbally aggressive (emotional state) become more integrated so they can learn and use problem-solving skills (executive state). When we understand the brain state model, we can clearly see the importance of building our homes, schools and businesses on the core principles of safety, connection and problem-solving.
Survival State
The Survival State asks the question “Am I Safe?” The only way to soothe the survival state is through the creation of safety.
“In a survival state where we feel triggered by threat, these skills are flight, fight or surrender. We can’t think clearly when a tiger is chasing us. In the modern world, the tiger may be a disrespectful child, but our brain’s evolutionary skill set is the same: fight, flight or surrender.”
Emotional State
The Emotional State asks the question “Am I Loved?” The only way to soothe the emotional state is through the creation of connection.
“Emotional State is our response to upset – and can only be soothed through connection. An upset emotional state is triggered by the world not going our way. It limits our ability to see from another’s point of view. This upset, unconscious state keeps us on autopilot so our words and tone match those of key authority figures from our childhood. We revert to disciplining the same ways we were disciplined, even if we know these behaviors to be ineffective or hurtful.”
Executive State
The Executive State asks the question “What Can I Learn?” The executive state is optimal for problem solving and learning.
“Conscious Discipline empowers us to be conscious of brain-body states in ourselves and children. It then provides us with the practical skills we need to manage our thoughts, feeling and actions. With this ability to self-regulate, we are able to teach children to do the same. By doing this, we help children who are physically aggressive (survival state) or verbally aggressive (emotional state) become more integrated so they can learn and use problem-solving skills (executive state). When we understand the brain state model, we can clearly see the importance of building our homes, schools and businesses on the core principles of safety, connection and problem-solving.
Executive State is the optimal state for problem-solving and learning. As we learn to regulate and integrate our internal state to be one of relaxed alertness, we are able access our own brilliance. We are empowered to change and make wise choices. An integrated executive state frees us from past conditioning, attunes us to the feelings and experiences of others, enables us to remain focused enough to set and achieve goals, and allows us to consciously respond instead of automatically react to life events.”
Key values of Conscious Discipline
Let’s look at the overarching themes of how to best implement Conscious Discipline in the classroom and at home. When
These key components are:
- Creating a Safe Environment
- Building a Connection
- Teaching Self-Regulation and Emotional Intelligence
- Guiding Instead of Punishing
- Empowering Children and Encouraging Responsibility
Creating a Safe Environment
Begin by fostering a sense of safety within the classroom or at home. This means creating a physical environment that is welcoming and inclusive, with spaces for both group activities and individual reflection. Use calming colors, comfortable seating, and accessible resources that encourage exploration. Establish clear, consistent routines and expectations to provide structure. Emotional safety can be enhanced by teaching children that all emotions are okay and by respecting their feelings and experiences.
Building a Connection
A key component of conscious discipline is the emphasis on building strong, positive relationships. Use greeting rituals, class meetings, and cooperative learning activities to encourage interactions that are based on mutual respect and empathy. Implement activities that highlight each child’s unique qualities and contributions to the classroom community. Consistently use positive language that reinforces the idea that we are working and learning together.
Greeting rituals, also known as “I Love You Rituals” are used regularly in classrooms and can be implemented at home as well. An easy way to start using these rituals is when your child wakes up in the morning. Greet them by name, make eye contact, and either make a loving statement: “I am so happy you are awake, John!” Or “I am so happy to see you this morning, Logan!” This can also be turned into a song: “Lucy is awake, Lucy is awake, I’m so happy that Lucy is awake!”
Teaching Self-Regulation and Emotional Intelligence
We can help equip children with the skills to manage their emotions and behaviors through direct teaching, modeling, and practice. Introduce the concept of the “Brain State Model” to help children understand their own emotional states (survival, emotional, executive) and how those states affect their ability to make decisions. Use storytelling, puppet shows, and role-playing games to discuss feelings, conflict resolution, and problem-solving strategies. Offer tools like breathing techniques, relaxation stations, or visual aids (emotion meters) that children can use to calm down and regain control over their actions.
Guiding Instead of Punishing
Shift the focus from punishment to teaching and guidance. When conflicts or issues arise, approach them as learning opportunities. Practice “composure” yourself to model how to handle difficult situations calmly. Use positive discipline techniques, such as logical consequences and problem-solving discussions, that help children understand the impact of their actions and encourage them to make amends. Foster an environment where mistakes are seen as part of learning, not as failures.
Empowering Children and Encouraging Responsibility
Encourage autonomy and responsibility by involving children in the management of the classroom or with tasks at home. Assign age-appropriate tasks and responsibilities that foster a sense of belonging and significance. Use class meetings or home discussions to give children a voice in decisions and the development of class or home rules. Implement a system of positive reinforcement that recognizes not only individual achievements but also efforts to help and support others.
By consistently applying these principles and practices, teachers and parents can transform their child’s environment into nurturing communities that promote emotional well-being, cooperation, and learning. Remember, the key to successful implementation is the adult’s willingness to continuously learn and model conscious discipline themselves.
Visit www.consciousdiscipline.com for more information, tips, articles, and resources that will help you successfully implement Conscious Discipline at home.
